utterly insane?:| I accidentally slit my finger while chopping vegetables, only to laugh afterwards.:lol: I thought a fire hydrant stalked me the other night.:| My dog spoke to me.:? I thought my dog feces were chocolate truffles.:cry: I'm always paranoid around birds.:? I have recurring nightmares.:lol:

During the stroll home from lunch at IHOP, I noticed a little girl who dropped her lollipop. I felt bad, gave her some money. Now she has a massive crush on me.:| HELP ME!:cry:

And by anything, I mean anything.;)

That I suck.:|

During the walk home from my "girlfriend's" house, a bird took a gargantuan dump on my head.:|

All of my friends' love has convinced me to stay.:| Give me some hugs & kisses.:|

Bye bye

I believe this story’s setting was on the last day of classes (6/20/06), of my senior year in high school. It was the final class of the day, one week before graduation. The English teacher handed out our senior memoirs… -Keith: Whoa…an 85. That’s pretty nice. -Maikeru: Thanks…look at the teacher’s comments: +Excellent use of the English language +Very mature +I had trouble understanding your use of vocabulary. -Keith: That’s pretty awesome; Maikeru, but you haven’t seen anything yet. *Shows me his memoirs* Keith received an 88, which was ridiculous. The teacher’s comments were: +Excellent use of the English language +Very mature +Easy to understand -Keith: What do you think? -Maikeru: Thats pretty good man. Very nice… *Alex accosted the both of us* -Alex: Hello guys. I saw the two of you comparing memoirs, so here is mine. *Shows us his memoirs* I couldn’t believe Alex received a 94 on his memoirs. As I held the memoirs, I felt the delicious thickness of his paper. Oh my god, he even used scented paper. The comments were: +Beautiful poetic use of the English language +Very mature +Easy to understand +Sweet of you to use scented paper I was going insane… -Maikeru: That’s…uh, pretty impressive Alex… -Alex: Thank you, Maikeru. The cessation of school occurred after that class. Everybody was quite jubilant, for summer vacation has only commenced. As I was walking home, I’ve noticed Alex was stalking me. I approached him… -Maikeru: What are you doing? Don’t you take residence around the school? -Alex: Yes. I was just wondering if you want to do anything together later. -Maikeru: That sounded a bit ***, but I have plans with my friends later on. Thanks for asking… -Alex: Come on admit it. I’ve seen you looking at me. -Maikeru: I really feel awkward right now. I’ll be going right about now… -Alex: I’ve noticed your physical appearance during gym. -Maikeru: Okay dude, you’re really ticking me off. I’m not ***. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have matinee with my friends at the movies in 40 minutes, followed by dinner. -Alex: Let’s go…*interrupted by me* -Maikeru: If you don’t shut your ******* mouth, I will destroy you… The rest of that day was exquisite, considering there was a pulchritudinous girl who hung out with my friends and I.

A man has recently acquired constipation, a painful condition where the digestive system experiences hard feces. Here is the story… -Man: Hey, I’m here for a walk-in. -Nurse: Okay, what is your name? -Man: Robert Halberstram. -Nurse: All done, please take a seat until summoned. -Robert: Thank you. *Thirty minutes later* -Doctor: Robert Halberstram? -Robert: Ah yes, I’m here doctor. -Doctor: Step this way into my office. So, what is the issue here? -Robert: I’ve recently acquired constipation. -Doctor: Well, now that isn’t too pleasant, is it? -Robert: What do you think? I’ve been defecating little rocks for the past two days. -Doctor: Now now, no need to get infuriated. I have two prescriptions for you to elect from: Enemas and laxatives. -Robert: Okay…what are enemas? -Doctor: An enema is the medical treatment, where liquid is introduced into the rectum and colon, via the anus. -Robert: I’m currently a college student, struggling with bills and payment methods. Which prescription is more reasonably priced? -Doctor: Enemas are more reasonably priced. -Robert: I guess I’ll take the enema treatment. -Doctor: Would you like a demonstration on how to properly use it? -Robert: I guess a little demonstration wouldn’t hurt. *Twenty minutes later - Robert’s house* -Robert: I don’t feel any better. Wait a minute, during the demonstration, there was a hand resting on each of my shoulders. Wait a minute…OH MY GOD!

It was a few hours into the postmeridian time on August 23, 2006, my place. Friends and I were starving. Here is the event... -Maikeru: I’m famished guys; I have a voracious appetite for some reasonable priced food.:P -David: Well, we can check out this new Buffet: The East Buffet.::) -Maikeru: What kind of chirpy name is that? Go call for directions.:| *David calls for directions* -Maikeru: So I heard, Robert’s dating Cassidy.:? -Keith: Still astonished man. How can he be so nonchalant all the time? That’s the reason she likes him.:| -Maikeru: I guess some people are just born cool…:| -Keith: LOL:lol: -Maikeru: Uh, what’s up?:? *David returns* -David: Uh, guys. You have to make reservations…:| -Maikeru: What kind of buffet makes you reserve seats?:? -David: It must be “elegant.”:| -Keith: This ******* sucks…:| ----*Half an hour later at the Grand Buffet*---- -Keith: The food here sucks *** from a straw…:| -Maikeru: Whose moronic idea was it to order regular Coke. I need a Diet Coke...:| -Keith: Stop complaining and drink it. Where is David anyway? He barely touched his food.:? -Maikeru: Oh, I forgot. I tossed some laxatives in his coffee right before we left.:P -Keith: You’re so mean dude.:P -Maikeru: Don’t forget, he once put itching powder in my boxers.:| -Keith: You have to admit, that was hilarious.:lol: -Maikeru: Only if you’re not the victim. Let’s leave David here to pay the bill, shall we?:twisted: -Keith: Whatever…:?