Here I am again, whining. I wish I didn't have to but when it comes to feeling hurt I need friends to talk to about it.

Just when things are starting to get better and I'm starting to feel better, things suddenly get worse again. I am sick of all of this. Tests at college piling up, Jane dying of cancer and people who believe she's fake not even caring, and me receiving hate mail calling her fake. I don't think they will ever give up. No matter if I ignore them, they'll still be doing this at the retirement homes.

You know, when people choose to pick on me for a disability I can't control, it hurts me like hell, but when they decide to pick on people I care about, no matter what it is, it hurts 100 times as bad. Some people may think Jane is fake but I love Jane so much, like a big sister. I seriously doubt this blog will have any effect. Come on. This is reality and most people who hate me won't listen no matter what.

I really love Jane, and she's having a lot of stuff happening to her. I mean, people are spreading lies and rumors about her and turning people she cares about against her, leaving her in tears, which she tries to hide. She tries to act strong but I know the truth. She's hurting. And on top of this, she's sick. I wanted Jane to join here so we could have a special internet friendship thing, and I wanted everyone to see how awesome she is. I didn't know this would happen to her. I feel so stupid and guilty. She's not herself anymore. She's depressed and trying to be strong but is really hurting. And she hasn't been the same sweet Jane she used to be. I am not calling her mean and bitter. I'm saying she's depressed and hurting. I want my best friend back. I feel so far away from her.

You know, because of the stress that's been going on, especially the Jane stress, I got a really bad headache that lasted for two days. It wouldn't go away even when I took medicine, got some rest, blaaah blaaah blaaah. I almost puked. Eww, I know. Ewwwww-eww-eww-eww! Gross! Not to mention a huge pain in the bizzutt. Ugh, I needed to use humor.

I wish people would either listen and see how much Jane means to me instead of abusing her, or just go away.

Sorry about all these waaaaah-waaah blogs. :oops:

:cry: I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! :cry:

I really need to let this out. For like 2 1/2 years, I have put up with cyber-bullies following me and my friends around no matter where we go. Okay, my best friends and I are trying to find a website where we can hide from these bullies but they ALWAYS find us.

Here's another thing. These bullies are always finding ways to spread lies and rumors about my best friends, calling them fakes, and accusing ME of being "them," if that even makes a lick of sense. Well, I am not my friends and they are not me. We are different people and I'm so sick of people calling my best friends fakes. I happen to love my friends a lot, like they're my own family.

Please don't say stuff like, "Just ignore them, and they'll go away." I tried that. We ALL tried that for over 2 years. Whenever someone sent hate mail, we either deleted the message or blocked them from messaging us. Whenever they write stuff about us, we try not to respond to that. They won't give up until they have turned the entire world against us.

Today, some creep found me and my two girls on a site we belong to. No I won't say the name of the site out loud. They started posting rude comments to our profiles and writing rude stuff about us. We ALL blocked the user but I know they'll find us on another site. No matter what, we can't hide from these people.

You know what the worst part is? The part that hurts me the most? Because of all this, I can't even spend two minutes with my friends (the ones being flamed) without all these voices in my head saying "your friends are fakes." Blah blah blah. Every time I'm with my friends, I'm always reminded of the bullies. I know it sounds really stupid and lame and pathetic and you may think I need professional help but it's not silly to me. I really hate this. Right now, I feel so alone. Guys I need you. Please don't lecture me, tell me to "get over it," "ignore them," or shut up about it. Please don't. I really don't need that on top of all this stress. I mean first I have a really stressful week in college because of all the work piling up. Next I find out one of my friends is sick. Now THIS!!! When will these people just give up and leave us alone? I mean we're TRYING to ignore them but it's not working. Nothing we do is working. Even doing nothing doesn't work.

I don't want advice...yet. I don't need lectures. I just need friends to have my back. Please. I really can't take anymore of this. I literally almost puked when I saw it was STILL going on TODAY!!! Almost PUKED!!! Ewwww! I'm literally sick of this. It's like a disease that won't go away no matter what medicine I take.

Please guys... I need you. Please...:cry:

Here are some funny and random pictures of me and my new sweater blanket.

I love my sweeeaaaterrr blankets!

MY CYBER-WEDDING IS GONNA BE SO SWEEEAAATERRRYYY!!!

OMG I'm sooooo excited!!!!! Ryan and I are finally getting cyber-married on Saturday!!!!! VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!! IT'S GONNA BE SO SWEATERY!!!!! I LOVE RYAN!!!!!

W00000H00000!!!!!

I'm feeling hurt right now because one of my so-called "friends" on YouTube just blocked me out of nowhere! I tried to subscribe to their channel, and I got an error message, saying they blocked me! I did not even do anything to them. I tried to be nice to them! I never bashed on them, flamed them, or did anything to them! I thought we were friends, and just out of nowhere, they blocked me. I feel really betrayed. I feel like I just got punched in the stomach! Again, pleeeeeaaaaase no lectures or anything. I just really needed to vent and get this off of my chest 'cuz I'm upset. I mean, I'm so sick of being treated like this and stabbed in the back! I think I've put up with that enough in my life, thank you very much. I'm sick of being a target! It's really pissing me off! I'm sick of getting stabbed in the back by "friends!" UGH!!!

Sorry for whining and boohooing, but I really needed to get my feelings out!

I'm not mentioning this person's name. All I can say is, they betrayed me, and I don't wanna be friends with them after that. If they want my forgiveness, they have to work for it, but I seriously doubt they'll apologize.

Whatever. :roll::x

Hey Ryan. Since you liked that one song I dedicated to you, I want you to hear some more songs by Celtic Woman.

The Voice (Soloist Lisa Kelly)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xleo0Hpsxvg

The Sky and the Dawn and the Sun
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DojaxFj3QYw

Scarborough Fair (Soloist Hayley Westenra)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR4uiiHDubU

Down By the Sally Gardens (Soloist Orla Fallon)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_VtaD9Wchk

I Dreamt I Dwelt in Marble Halls (Soloist Meav Ni Mhaolchatha)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvdBVJjPi48

One World
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAqj9NVsjf4

Orinoco Flow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_H4TlDxXxVk

Someday (Soloist Chloe Agnew)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9OX5r93gYg

Send Me a Song (Soloist Lisa Kelly)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjCh_Bk2L7s

Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring (Soloist Chloe Agnew)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsqsAFoXE-I

Newgrange (Soloist Orla Fallon)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKfDB9Osa88

Mo Ghile Mear
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6b9xzS_rDo

Sing Out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWk8TwaqXBI

You Raise Me Up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQP2KK5RBHY

May It Be (Soloist Hayley Westenra)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0y_R7CBmDAE

The Last Rose of Summer (Meav Ni Mhaolchatha & Hayley Westenra)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OqpIf5SSLsw

She Moved Through the Fair (Soloist Meav Ni Mhaolchatha)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DB4Gjcy-5ao

I hope you like the songs. :)

I love you.

This song is sooo beautiful. I just HAVE to dedicate it to Ryan.

It's Winter's Light by Celtic Woman. The girl singing is Chloe Agnew.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GL_ag3NQ0o0

This song always makes me wanna cry and it's really special to me. Ryan I hope you love it.

I love you Ryan.

*Sweater hugs*

PS. CELTIC WOMAN ROCKS!!!

This is a list of friends I have on this site that I haven't seen or talked to in a long time or not that much. Maybe they haven't been able to come on because of stuff going on outside the internet, or I haven't been able to talk to them because of college.

I MISS YOU GUYS!!!

alexanderprice6

AllHailNeji

americanidol13

andre_13

android1000

Anime-Destiny1

Animefan91tx

Anmoranalina

anthonykomonski

aplourey

biggestlostfan

Blackberry_Girl

bloo_herriman92

briannahodge

brown_cows

bubblegumgirl

chickawackaboo

cool_chick

crzza

DemonSlayerZea

DisNick

dudette2018

emoraldmile

FairyFan13

Foife5

futurewm2006

geronimosmf

Grey90

h00plah

HugeHouseMdFan

IC3_MAST3R

iluvu4ever

iRuleiPod

I_LOVE_NCIS

JessWH

Joethescarf

JPPT1974

Kadodian

KatieWagnersSis

kitty_girl_123

lae10

leeseygirl

lozza1525

madities

madison1314

MegStar14

Noteldnep

nsoliveira

OldBlueEngine

othforeverlove

PiscesChick93

Princess-peach

Princess_Teacup

Procter_Fox_Fan

purplerae

Queen_of_Beauti

r3173mpt10n

Raven1983

RaVonfan

RaytheChameleon

RCS_sportz

renericky

Riku_Lover93

roguele_beau

Shooter25

spiritwave

splinter_girl88

Spongelly

Steph__x

super_mandii

SWEToryu

teenage_fanatic

TheDiamondDog

ThenYouStand (my fiance)

ThereGoesHalo3

The_Glamazon84

turtlebaby43

Vanture

walkerdoug

xiaolinbabe

XiaolinPrincess

xlovedust

YinYangYelita

youtube_tv

_Storum_Cloud_

If you're not on the list, and I haven't seen you in a while, PLEASE don't be offended. I probably haven't really gotten to know you well enough, so pleeeaaase don't get offended.

If you aren't on the list, and I do see your comments in my blogs, again, don't get offended that I didn't add you to the list of friends I miss. You guys really rock!

Here's a song for you guys.

The Blessing by Celtic Woman
Click on the song title to hear it.

All my friends are sweeeaaaterrrs!

I didn't forget about sharing the videos of me singing at karaoke, so here they are. I had to post them on MySpace, because YouTube wouldn't take them. Well, don't pay attention to that lol.

Here are the videos.

Me Singing You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=50305166
Pay no attention to me saying "sorry" at the beginning. I explained that in the video summary.

Me Singing Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring by Josh Groban
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=50305166
I REACHED THE HIGH NOTE AT THE END!!!!! YAY!!!

Hahaha, you can hear my mom and grandmother talking lol. I like the way they sound when they talk. They sound so sweeeaaaterrryyy!

Now, if you don't like my singing or the songs, that's fine, but pleeeaaase keep that to yourself. Thanx.

The name of the story is Candelaria's Light, unless I decide to change the title. I haven't started writing it, but I do have an idea of what'll happen in it. Here's what I have so far.

Candelaria (who also goes by Candi) is a sweet, beautiful, young Irish woman, living in Miami. She is the director and founder of a group at her church for people who need prayers, friendship, kindness, hope, faith, acceptance, comfort, family, a helping hand, and so much more. The members of that group are also a choir, and Candi is the director.

Because of Candi, many people's lives have been changed for the better. So many love and worship her.

At the time, Candi is dating a young man, Gabriel, whom she claims to be madly in love with. The two seem to share the same passions in music, art, poetry, and love. They're even considering marriage. However, when one of Gabriel's friends, Billy, confides a secret to Candi, the secret somehow gets out, and Billy and Gabriel blame Candi for leaking the secret. Gabriel begins to criticize and put down everything good about her, and he quickly begins to doubt her. His abusive and hurtful behavior leaves her no choice but to end the relationship.

Afterwords, Gabriel starts to spread untrue rumors and lies about Candi, turning people against her. The people who turn against her are friends of Gabriel's. Everyone else still supports and loves her.

Not too long after the havoc starts, Candi is diagnosed with congestive heart failiure.

Will Candelaria find a donor for her heart transplant, and survive? Will the people who turned against her appreciate her? Will the real person who leaked Billy's secret be revealed, and will Gabriel shut up?

Notes
1. The character, Candelaria, is Irish, but her name is not Irish. It's Spanish, meaning "candle light" or "Candlemas."
2. There will probably be several surprises and other things in the story that were NOT mentioned in the summary.