Yeah so I broke up with my chap just shy of our 5 year anniversary. To be honest it hasn't been working for a while now, it's been on and off for years really, though this time is for certain and though it's hard it feels like the right thing. *shrug*

But the purpose of this blog (aside from the expert relationship advice GS offers!) as it says in the title is the fact that the PS3 was a joint purchase and - since I am not cruel at heart - it is fair that he gets it since a) he was the main reason for me buying it in the first place and b) his monetary input was significant. And I can use the flat deposit he's returning to buy a new one anyways!

And here is the key question - do I get a slim or an original! Gah!

I've been perusing the thread of people pondering this same question with amusment in the PS3 board but now I find myself in the same horrible situatuion, and I have no idea what to choose. The slim seems like the obvious choice and for good reason eg: better memory/design/won't be a dust magnet/is small. But I love the look of the big phat one, and I liked the fact that I had chosen it previously despite its flaws and being more expensive rather than turning to the cheaper Xbox, since I am a PS girl at heart (well I'm a Megadrive girl at heart but y'know).

I am torn - but I want to get a replacement soon so I can heal myself by cookin foo's on KillzOne.

What would you choose?

Is there not a Stalingrad Sniper game? I'm sure there must be games incorporating this element, but I think there is enough scope in the subject to make a dedicated and satisfying game, with many intriguing and challenging moments.

Of course it is tempting to think 'Enemy at the Gates' or someting similar, but really it is just the idea of being able to explore an entire ruined city that tempts me so much. It'd be awesome to have a giant map that you have to slowly navigate around, with emphasis on really taking your time to find the best locations, and learn the land. Air Raids could change the lay-out of the city in a moment. Also some puzzle elements - where are you getting shot from? How can you take down that rapscallion?

Some limited online play might be fun too, and with yummy Next Gen graphics. :)

Come on developers, make my dream Stalingrad game!

I completed Killzone! Hooray! And I did it on Trooper as well, which isn't Elite or even Veteran but at least it's not Rookie. It has taken me far longer than it should take anyone to complete the campaign, but I must say that the amount of time I have actually spent playing the PS3 at all is a shockingly small. Work has been keeping me busy, and I found that whenever I did feel in the mood for some playing I just opted to get killed on the online game instead.

So I just decided to fight my way through it in the end, and now that I have done I am still floating round on a sort of euphoric gaming cloud. It has been so long since I completed a game, let alone one as satisfying as Killzone 2. I guess it is because it is my first time in Next Gen, but I couldn't stop til I did it and I'm so pleased now it's done.

The trophies are a nice touch too, popping up now and then for random acomplishments at seemingly strange intervals, only adding the sense of achievement as I played the campaign. I was chuffed by getting the surprise Radec trophy (don't want to spoil owt but I did it in 19mins 56secs - sweet!).

Just two more things to say about this game:

a) The knife is awesome.

b) Rico is a f***ing ****.

In this fit of aforementioned euphoria I went into GameStation (not a good idea!) and got meself some new gameage, being Dead Space, Rainbow Six Vegas 2, Uncharted and Lair. Dead Space because I want to play a scary game through before playing Silent Hill Homecoming, Rainbow Six because a good friend recommended it, Uncharted because it's supposedly a great game and I want to be up to date for Uncharted 2, and Lair because I wanted a bad game (for comparison) and - well - it is about flying on a dragon which is something I have wanted to try since watching Knightmare in my youth, even if I only do it once and never again.

So added to Resi 5, MotorStorm P.R. and Unreal Tournament III, I have quite a bit of gaming to get done.

To say how much I am looking forward to E3 now that I can play new games! Huzzah. I was thinking of subscribing due to the occasion, but there doesn't seem to be much point? Shame really.

Also wanted to say quickly that I play on a different PSN to the one I advertised. But since the new one has a mild drug reference in it (ahem) I don't really want to advertise it with a trophy card! Apologies if you have tried to friend me to no avail. PM me here if you might be interested in playing with me and I'll tell you my PSN.

I am not really *really* bad any more. Promise.

It would figure that I would purchase a new games console the weekend before one of the busiest weeks I've had for a while, so I've not really had the opportunity to play it into the wee small hours as I would have liked, but I have decided to blog about my shiney new PS3 before it becomes even older news. This'll be long. You know you don't have to read it! :D

I picked it up from my local(ish) Gamestation where a friend of mine works. In the end I got the 80gb console, two official controllers, Killzone 2, Resident Evil 5 and two years extended cover for a penny short of 380 pounds. It seemed like a good enough deal but to be fair I didn't really care about the monies.

Before I go into my thoughts on this purchase I must stress just what an analogue virgin I really am. Or was. Despite owning a PS2 for over a year, I have never gotten out of my D-pad+press/hold B Megadrive mentality. If a game required analogue stick or button manipulation I generally tried to play around it until it became absolutely necessary, at which point I would quit rather than adapt. I have watched people playing through many amazing games, but I myself remained firmly and determinedly anti-analogue.

Until now.

So the first night I spent mostly watching my friend play RE5 on his account since I had work the next day. Then I rushed home determined to complete Resi in one non-stop bout, but for some reason I changed my mind. It might not have been my finest decision, but it certainly taught me a few lessons.

What game was it, you may well ask, which I chose as the gateway into 3rd Gen and 3D gaming-proper? Quite simply I must admit that I began my 'grown up' gaming career by tentatively wobbling into the blood-seeped arena that is Killzone 2's online 'Warzone'. Oh yes. No waiting to even play the actual game for me! Not my best ever idea.

I had never heard of Killzone, neither the first nor the second, but Gamestation mate was explaining its FPS nature and awesome online gameplay and I thought 'why not'? I had enjoyed a few goes on Half Life 2 and Unreal Tournament 2004 when they were new back in the day on the boyfriend's PC. I had even been quite good by the end. But dual-analogue is *not* like a mouse and keyboard combo.

So Warzone it was and, as I'm sure you can imagine, it was a massacre. Even playing within my own rank I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at my futile attempts to appear even slightly in control - all to no avail. I had no knowledge of the maps, I didn't have a *clue* what I was supposed to do for each objective, and I had never tried to manipulate even a menu using the analogue sticks before. No words can express the total fail which was my newbish attempts to master the infamous controls of Killzone 2. Instead I shall put it in numbers:

Total length of time I spent playing online for the first time: Approx. 9 hours.

Total number of kills in that time: 118.

Total number of times killed in that time: 649.

*facedesk* That works out at approximately 5.5 deaths for every kill. What must have I looked liked as I glitched my way around the place like an erratic madwoman, running into places and spraying bullets til I crumpled into blood-spattered monochrome? More than one opponent stood still, watching while I spun about fighting with myself and the controller in a desperate attempt to aim at them, only to have them shoot me cleanly in the face once my dance of desperation had finally ended with my facing in their general direction.

By the end of this epic learning process, however, I had definitely improved. Enough to not be reduced into a frantic flurry of panicked button bashing at the merest glimpse of a foe at least. I knew what to do for each objective! And I could move round semi-familiar maps with only sporadic attempts to walk through walls.

Since then I have had little chance to play as much as I'd like but what time I have had I have invested into playing the 'proper' Killzone 2 game. I will write a rambling review for it once I've completed it so I don't want to discuss it much here, but I must say that I am absolutely AMAZED by this game. Granted it is my first 3rd Gen game but it just looks so damn good even on my ancient television. I can't wait to see it in HD.

The second reason as to why I am amazed by this game is a surprise even to me, but it is the controls of this game which I really love. The glitchy, erratic, dual-analogue controls. They give a realism to this game which I could not have imagined while bouncing and leaping my way round UT2004. It feels gritty and dirty and it makes my palms sweat sometimes, but if you want to be good, you *really* have to learn how to play it. Suddenly I'm strafing, I'm shooting in bursts, I'm more cautious and better for it.

I've heard that other people have found the controls awkward at first and I can understand how the lack of any sort of auto-aim might be annoying to some, but I don't think they could have made it any better and I love the fact there's no help with aiming. I may not really be able to play it at the minute, but I've always liked a challenge. This leads me to the most important thing I feel about this game right now:

I want more! It keeps me coming back. I am determined to master this game although I know realistically it will take *months* of my time - time I am willing to invest. The platinum trophy seems as achievable to me as an Olympic Gold right now, but I know it's coming, one day.

So right now I am slowly improving, lamenting the fact that I'll probably never recover the astounding number of lives I've lost, and clawing with bloody nails at the very first rung of the trophy ladder. And I don't know when I've had more fun. I'm ****ing loving it. Even though I'm still really, really bad.

Look me up if you want, I'll try to learn how the friend thingy works if you tell me who you are, and I am always willing to come out and play. But remember - really, *really* bad!

Best 380 pounds I've spent in a long while.

Can't talk. Gaming.

Also a Ring King. Life is sweet.

So yesterday I decided to give up smoking weed for lent. Today I feeling cravings so bad! I am an addict. How shameful to admit. Honestly though I should be able to not smoke pot for 45 days I mean what kind of plebian am I? Right now I feel like this...

If someone blew in my face now, I seriously would follow them anywhere.

Juts for fun, this is what that *genuine* add says:

"Hit her with tangy Tipalet Cherry. Or rich, grapey Tipalet Burgundy. Or lucious Tipalet Blueberry. It's Wild!

Tipalet. It's new. Different. Delicious in taste and aroma. A puff in her direction and she'll follow you, anywhere.

Oh yes... you get smoking satisfaction without inhaling smoke.

Smokers of America, do yourself a flavor, make your next cigarette a Tipalet."

I'm still not sure as to what the hell a Tiplet is. Seems to have a reed sticking out of it? Is it a cigarette and an oboe? I do not know.

The reason why I hate Uni to such an extent on a Friday is because I have an awkward hour and a half gap in the day which is a bit of wasted time I can do nothing with. By the time I decide I will get round to working there's actually very little time for locating/collecting journals and books and actually cracking down to any writing. I have to put everything back almost as soon as I have found them.

I would be eternally grateful for the extra hour in either the morning or at home time, the former would mean I would not have to get up before 6am which I currently do and detest, and the latter would mean I could catch an early bus that actually stops outside my house, as opposed to the late bus which stops about 10 minutes away. 

As it is though I often end up doing fun yet pointless things which I could be doing at home with a far greater level of enjoyment. I wonder about the Discworld MUD collecting small levels of XP, or come onto Gamespot and type random things.

I also dislike Fridays at Uni because they aways have tomato soup which I always buy and it *always* tastes like it has twigs in it! It is honestly a taste which I find offensive on every level and yet I can't seem to stop myself buying it! Ack! 

Oh the plus side, I managed to do a Need For Speed Carbon Career from 0 - 100% in about seven hours yesterday. I mostly use Tuners because I like their twitchy ways. I think I have been playing this game too much recently but I can't seem to get enough of it. And I just make such damn pretty cars!

So this pointless little blog has filled 10 or some minutes of my dead time. I seriously need to remember my DS more on Fridays. 

...Cheerful Messages, Dispair In The Wake Of A Subway Closure, Taste.

So it's my partner's birthday next Tuesday. Technically I suppose he is my boyfriend but that word doesn't seem to convey a three-year live-in relationship. 'Partner' isn't right either really since I tend to think it implies a business associate or lesbian companion, neither of which I have, sadly. I suppose I could classify him under 'significant other'. He is the reason I got into metal.

Anyway it's his birthday and since he needs a new mobile phone my parents said they'd get one for him. So I ordered a phone for £59.99 from the O2 website and then when it comes they'll pay me back. Simple enough, yes? NO! Although there has been no delivery to this house, DHL say they did deliver it and now there has to be an investigation. Bah I am so annoyed I know they'll just day that since it was delivered it was my responsibility and they'll keep my money the grubby-handed thieves. Plus I have to find the money elsewhere for another phone for Tuesday. My GOD! It's making me so angry I have been growling all day. Grrrrr!

Part of me wants to keep fighting and even threaten court action but the other part of me just can't be bothered. There is 60 pounds in the balance though and that's a fair bit of money to give up on. But I am just so annoyed! I am waiting for someone from O2 to call me back but it's yet to have happened. I know it's going to be such a hassle. I wish the bloody phone had just got here.

Hrm anyway writing this has only increased my ire, and all has not been bad today. I was cheered by a nice message about me deposited in the Holiday Roll Call in the UK Discussion forum by BZSIN. It was a message that indeed warmed my very cockles as he said I was 'near-perfect' - flattering yet very far from the truth - and then went on to question whether I was really a man. Oh well only on the internet I guess! I shall tell everyone now that I am a genuine girl, but I'm not going to post pics because I don't wish to spoil the 'perfect girl' illusion ;) Well it was a very nice message none the less and so to you BZSIN I send one hug:

Now I must be off because all that sandwich talk has got me in the mood for a Subway and I'd better drag my arse round there soon before it closes and I am left with horrible Subway withdrawal plans all night thus ruining my first eviction experience of Big Brother 2008 (yes I am a Big Brother fan but this and other issues will be debated in the next blog which will try to explain my taste deficiency). But until then ~ The Librarian

So I have never, ever witten a blog before. I don't have an idea of what is expected nor what I should write so I shall just ramble a bit as I tend to do both online and in real life.

I am a very honest person, I really don't like telling lies or having people tell me lies. In that instance I should probably mention that the main reason I am starting a blog is so I might achieve level 5. I don't know if this will work but it's worth giving a try! I would be flattered if people cared about what I have to say - people have told me I tend to come across as mean and cynical but I don't mean to be. I am sorry if I offend anyone.

I have noticed that some people on here are negative towards drugs and I applaud them. Drug awareness is an important subject. Personally, there is nothing I prefer of a weekend than smoking a phat joint. Any other drugs I think are evil and I DO NOT partake (although I've tried many things in the past). I don't really drink - very rare occasions.

Being a stoner I am loving the original Star Trek! It honestly makes me laugh until I cry and hurt. The acting is amazing, the secarios so imaginative and is full of quotes such as: "We can't measure it Captain, it's too large for our sensors - it must be over a mile wide." Captain Kirk is a fool! If it weren't for Spock he would have been locked up years ago. How did he become Captain?

That's all for now folks! ~The Librarian.