I'm back, hopefully for sure. I know sometimes I say I'm back and it really just turns into a day or two of posting before I seemingly disappear again but I'm normally still checking updates and pms when I'm not active. Hopefully I keep it up this time though. I want to work on being active in my unions and improving/reviving many of them. I just got back from my trip to the Outer Banks yesterday. I had a really good week even though I was burned for most of it and now I'm almost through the peeling process. Being fair skinned can be a pain at times :P

Other than that I've been on a bit of a handheld gaming kick lately. I beat RE: Revelations while I was on my trip and I started Tales of the Abyss on 3DS and Pokemon Conquest plus I started Theatrhythm today. I may be taking on too much, probably but we'll see. I also saw the new Spider-man for the second time today and it is a great movie and my favorite out of the Spider-man films. I also finished Kaze no Stigma for the second time today. I've kinda been on an anime kick lately. I watched Fractale recently which was a good 11 episode series. I've also been adding more anime to my collection. I got Devil May Cry today, Angel Beats! will finally be arriving this week(It was on back order), I ordered Fractale(even though I know I just saw it for the first time) that'll be released next week, and then I get no. 6 in August, I'm excited for that one the most ;) I should really buy less :P

I'm done with Gamespot for the night, sounds terrible considering I'm saying I'm back but I've been updating game info, reading blogs, and pming for the last 2 hours and I'm kinda tired from my trip yet. I'm gonna unwind with so of theatrhythm and I'll catch ya'all later ;)

The days seem to blur together,

All my time is not my own.

I hurt the one I'd said I'd never,

now its time for me to grow.

Past the work of everyday,

through the homework which goes away,

friends to claim whatever remains,

and yet all I get is pain.

Not that I don't cherish the time,

but where was mine.

Given to work,

Given to school,

Given to friends,

but none for myself.

I felt trapped going through the motions,

trying to please all and failing many.

My rest is spent and my tension is high,

all I want to do is fly from this space

but then I'd fall from grace.

I can't run from everything,

and I never intended to.

To any I've hurt in this time of transgress

forgive and accept my apologies as you can best.

A caterpillair is bound to where it can crawl.

Enjoying life but fearing the fall.

Under watch from bird on high,

he felt as if he'd almost die.

The bird is leaving soon,

and so I shall cacoon.

I can emerge and claim these spaces,

to never again disappoint all races.

One color is all colors,

on wings spread wide,

fluttering above kida skies.

A test of mine,

to surpass all time.

And bring on serenity

to those kida skies.

I don't know about everyone else but I've been enjoying seeing that 100% completion pop up on my screen when I complete a game on xbox. This is more me bragging or celebrating so if you aren't into that then feel free to ignore this post :P In the last week I got 100% for Mass Effect 3, Jurassic Park, and Tomb Raider: Anniversary. When added with my 100%s for Naruto Storm Generations, Final Fantasy XIII-2, Sonic Generations, Halo: Anniversary, Mass Effect 2, and Dead Space I'm currently at 9 fully completed 100% games. My next project is going to be the other two Tomb Raider games where I'm about halfway through Underworld's achievements and I'm done with all non DLC achievements for Legend so I just need the DLC for those. After that I have probably about a dozen other titles that I've previously started or have yet to that I think 100% completion will be possible with.

On a side note I finished watching the Walking Dead series these past few days, Great Show!!!

Hey guys and gals, as many of you may have noticed I haven't been on here, atleast not posting, for quite some time. I just wanted to let you all know that my semester will be over within the next 3 weeks and then I hope to be on here more again. I found some time along with an urge to post a bit tonight so I'll pop around a few of the unions. To anyone that I may have upset with my lack of activity I apologize and hope we can straighten everything out when I fully return at the end of the semester or I check my pms regularly. Looking forward to getting back to things.

I guess I might as well update what I've been up to during my absense. I've been keeping busy with my school work this semester and it looks like this will be the best so far with my lowest grade currently being a B and my highest an A with the others mixed in between :P I'll probably make a blog note once I know my final grades in 4 weeks. Other than that I met my awesome girlfriend through Gamespot back in January or February and we've been dating since early March, and I'm looking forward to meeting her in person this June. There is some distance between us, go figure when you meet the right person online that they wouldn't be near by but luckily she isn't too far away and we'll make it work ;) Other than that any mental/personality issues I may have had before or complained about back in the beginning of the year I've starightened out for the most part and everything is going great.

Other than that real life stuff, my digital time has been spent conquering new games with my 100% completion taking hold quite a bit. Somewhat recently I've achieved 100% achievement completion in Final Fantasy XIII-2, Naruto Storm Generations, and I need one more in Mass Effect 3 being 5000 kills, which I hope to get this week if I can find the time between school stuff. Then I'll have 7 100% completed games. I've also been watching a few series recently, at the suggestion of my girlfriend I watched Death Note and no. 6 not too long ago and I loved both of them. I've also been keeping up with Fringe and my other shows on TV plus my parents are trying to get me into the walking dead :P Other than that I watch Thor again tonight and I ordered Iron Man 2 and The Hulk(so I can rewatch Iron Man 2 and see The Hulk for the first time), I need to get ready for the Avengers ;)

At my girlfriend's request as well as since I don't mind sharing some of my work, here is a poem ;) This piece is called "Splash of Night"

Twilight turns slowly to - darkness, The depths of night! enshroud - me, As lights dim in my eyes, My chest! feels heavy - to - collapse

One light / still-bright / through fog of night!, Burns with fire! To my form, The sounds of nature surround - me, To be in them / I am not scorched

The cold"seeps through the air! around - me, I feel the night upon my face, The darkness washes! through - me, Until I accepted my! "night!

Thats my poem, I know the ****is a bit different but I hope you all understood the symbolism and what I was actually depicting and the writing ****I was trying to capture, if not then I hope you simply enjoyed it. Lastly, this blog post took me a bit longer than I thought so I won't be getting on the boards tonight but the semester will be over soon and I may be on a few times before then, looking forward to seeing you all soon ;)

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been on much or atleast not on the boards. I really have no reason for this other than a depressive state hit me about a month ago and I stopped posting for a few days and never really got back to it. Since then I've been busy offline with being home from school, having an increased workload, getting a girlfriend, blah blah blah, I don't want to make excuses. The short answer is that I realized how much time posting was taking up in my day and I haven't had a lack of activity to do offline that has gotten me back to posting like I was. I'm sure that I'll be posting regularly again sometime in May if not sooner, not that I'm promising May, the only thing I can promise is I'm sure I'll be on here regularly again eventually. If anyone needs to contact me I still check pms/update usually once a day. Chao;)

I'm really not sure what I have to talk about today so this may be a more unorganized update than usual. My counselor wants me to start reading homosexual literature in an attempt for me to experience or see what the everyday life of a homosexual is like given that I'm gay or bi leaning more so towards gay and I honestly don't know any gay people in my area, either my hometown area or where I go to school currently. He also told me that I should look into joining the support or social groups on campus that are for people who aren't "normal" and no he didn't use the word normal in this respect I'm just using it to mean heterosexual individuals even though I'm aware that really isn't correct usage. I've told him several times that my lonliness and depression is mainly from a lack of connection that I think could be fixed when I find the right person to be with but it seems like he is kind of looking over that fact but then again I've also told him that I feel I need to improve my image and acceptance of myself before I can start to really look for someone anyway. We'll see what happens, I have two more appointments for next week.

I guess in relation to that I was feeling really depressed Saturday morning when I got up but I got over that pretty quickly. For whatever reason my mind has been really fixated on having kids in the future and family structure. Let's get away from all this heavy internal stuff. Other than all that I've been feeling good lately, a little bored with my roommates being gone this past weekend but good. Classes have been going well and I have two classes cancelled for this week so that's great news. I got an 89.5 on my Accounting test this past week. Mixed feelings on that since that is obviously a good score but over 50% of the class had A's so I need to do better. I have an Econ test at 2pm today, nervous that I didn't study enough but the material isn't all that difficult so I think I'll do fine. My intro to womens studies course is really annoying lately. I had to do a paper on gender swapping on the internet in social mediums and how that connects with stereotypes, male dominance, and other BS like that. I'm in a group to lead the chapter out of our book on Gender this Tuesday so that hits almost too close to home with my issues. Then we have another project due in 2 or 3 weeks where we have to find and interview 2 people about an abusive or hard time in their past so our teacher is basically just trying to get us to do her research for her and I'm kind of raging over that. Other than that school is awesomeness except its still school.

My anime has hit a bit of a wall. I finished Angel Beats! for the I don't even know how many times that is now and I finished Requiem for the Phantom for the 2-4th time. I need to find something else to watch and I've had several suggestions but I really don't feel like choosing or commiting myself to another anime at the moment but I really need something to watch during lunch so I really do have to. Game wise I'm still waiting for my RE:Revelations which shipped either Wednesday or Thursday this past week and the tracking function basically shutdown Saturday so it really should have been here by now but the mail is incompitent. I've been trying to do all the extra things in Final Fantasy XIII-2 and thats been progressing fairly well. I have 100 of the 160 fragments so I'm getting there. I'll probably keep that up for a while and maybe I should have added in that I also got the Pro pad to use with Revelations. Thats probably it for games and anime stuff.

I'm not sure what else to chat about and I think I've updated me so leave any comments for me below and if you want to chat or say something more directly to me then shoot me a pm. See ya in a week;)

Oh!!! I remembered something that I wanted to add in while I was editing everything above for errors. I'm freezing! I don't know what it is in central PA at the moment but the temperature is below freezing with like a negative 20 degree wind chill so the temp is probably somewhere near 0 or it at least seems that way. Thats way colder than I would like and on top of that my roommates have the A/C on in our room and there are two fans going at the moment. I'm living in a freezer, that is all. Chat with everyone later and I hope you are warmer wherever you are;)

I think from now on I'm going to do a weekly blog on what I've been up too and I might include some other blogs in between if I have anything uber important or just something that I really need to get off my chest. So this blog will be the first of my Monday/Tuesday to Sunday/Monday blogs.

Not much has happened to me this week mostly because I've been consumed by video games for the most part. I got Final Fantasy XIII-2 and Soul Calibur 5. I already beat the story in both of them and am now working on the extra things to do in them which will get easier either today or tomorrow since thats when my guide for XIII-2 is suppossed to get here. So looking forward to that.

School wise there wasn't much going on this past week with no major assignments and only one small quiz which I got a 100% on so that worked out. Stressing a little cause I didn't do much in the way of scholl work this weekend so I feel slightly underwhelmed or unprepared for this week but nothing due today so we might be able to fix that issue. First accounting exam this week and a small quiz in a different class along with too much reading so the usual.

On the subject of my issues, I saw the counselor on Wednesday and set up another session as well as a session with a psychiatrist. Basically we went through everything and my counselor wants to try and figure out if my issues with mood/depression are psychological or physically linked to my somewhat poor habits of living being awkward sleeping habits, not the best diet, and lack of exercise. So I've been working with some of those things to improve myself but the other stuff with sexual orientation in that I'm still coming to terms with. I don't have a problem with it or anything I just think I haven't fully accepted it yet and I don't think that will really happen until I find someone I want to be with. We'll see how everything turns out.

I'm gonna finish on social going ons for the week. I went with my roommates to see Chronicle yesterday in theaters and I have to say that it was a good movie and better than I expected. The effects weren't the best but even so it was especially good, had good ratings, and was number 1 in the box office, atleast in the US so I urge others to see it;) I also played racket ball with 2 roommates and one other friend later in the evening. Watched the Superbowl yesterday and I'm glad with the Giants win over the Patriots even though I'm not all that into football. This will be a kind of mix between social and my issues but my one roommate who I'm normally on good terms with, we were a bit argumentative this weekend. He likes to joke around a lot and some times uses insults when he is joking around and I don't like that and it just kinda gets to me. I'm not into that whole insults as a job thing because even still they are insults whether they are meant jokingly or not. We may have to work on that somewhat and there were other times when I just felt ignored or disrespected like my input wasn't worthy or of value. I'm not trying to sound like I'm whining or anything but these kinds of things don't help when I'm in a depression and feel alone like no one can connect to me or value my presence. Hopefully social happenings and my issues will improve. Thats actually a bit of a depressing not to end on in itself but I said all I had to and respond or tell me what you've been up to in the comments;)

I think I'll start with the recent news since my last blog. Other than keeping up with school work not much has happened outside the digital world. I went with some of my roommates to see The Grey on Saturday and of course they all thought it was great. I thought it was just ok and somewhat predictable, we have different tastes in movies, I'll just state that now. Then last night my one roommate that no one likes that I think I complained about before for his sleeping habits really crossed a few lines. He ran into our one friend at the CUB which is basically like a cafeteria area or just a place to get food on campus and he walked past her and said, "Hey Jen, is it weird that whenever I walk past you it smells like fish?" She goes on to say haha I get it, but she really didn't find it funny. Then he proceeds to make a gesture near her crotch to verify his "joke". Jen is still angry about this one. Then after that later in the night he made a comment to my one roommate and two of our friends that basically was something like me and my one roommate are having sex with each other. I found out later and was really angry about it, then I told my roommate who he claimed I was sleeping with and he blew his cap and threw around some of the commentor's belongings in the living room which probably shouldn't be laying around in the first place. Then when the commentor returned it turned into a big argument between the two and he threatened to report my roommate to the RA and thought that his comment was nothing but a small joke or something. I'm kinda frustrated by this plus the way our rooms are situated in these dorms its three beds or people to a bedroom and I'm stuck between the two arguing, living in constant tension sucks. Thats enough of my complaining, I know that was kinda long and I apologize but like I mentioned its my way of getting things off my chest.

In other news I recently beat WET and I'm currently on my 6 or 7th playthrough of the original Mass Effect. Tomorrow will mark the arrival of Final Fantasy XIII-2 which I will have to go pick up at some point, still trying to figure out if I want to go and get it before my 11am class or wait until after my 3:15 class lets out, either way I'll get that tomorrow. My shippments should start being shipped too which means I'll also have Soul Calibur 5, In Time, XIII-2 collector's guide, new Mass Effect novel, and the Requiem for the Phantom bluray/dvd anime combo pack to look forward to some time this week. Other than classes and the current tension I think this will be a pretty good week.

As far as issues go, nothing new to report there but I'll still be going to see the counselor on Wednesday and after the way my emotions have been going these past few weeks I wouldn't be surprised if there is some truth behind that questionaire I took which said I have either depression or bipolar disorder cause I've really been having high and low periods lately. Thats about it, and I realize that I just kind of blather on about what I'm up to so please give me any feedback you might have or tell me what you've been up to lately. I'm always here if you guys need someone to listen or just feel like chatting;)

Let's see what is going on with me lately...

I guess I might as well start with the basics being school. I'm doing well in my six classes I guess since its kinda hard to say for sure when we haven't really had any grades yet. I'm trying to figure out a schedule or system for all my readings because I have four classes that will require me to read 1 or 2 chapters each a week along with a seminar course that basically requires us to read a book and atleast 2 articles a week which means atleast 150 to about 350 pages a week for just that course. So basically I need to figure out a system for getting all that done but I'll work something out.

In gaming I'm enjoying/getting frustrated with Skyrim. I'm enjoying it still but I'm starting to reach the point where the world's appeal is wearing off and I seem to be dying more and more often. Basically that means I'm ready for a change which Final Fantasy XIII-2 can hopefully satisfy next week;)

As far as my issues go, I took an online questionaire thing through my school's counseling center's website and according to that I am most likely either depressed, bipolar, or both so I made an appointment with them for next wendesday so I can talk about that along with some of my other issues/confusions that I've mentioned on here previously.

I wanted to end on a high note though so I've been watching this lately, more like repeating it nonstop for a few hours. It's an english cover to the song "My Song" from the anime Angel Beats! I recently finished watching the series for I guess the third time and I wanted to listen to the songs some more. She has a really great voice. I now need to figure out what I want to watch next, I tend to at the very least watch one episode a day when I eat lunch or atleast that is what I try to do but isn't always possible with my schedule. I've also been listening to this quite a bit.

Other than that not much is going on with me and I'm sure I'll write again some time soon. I actually figured out that I like updating like this, it gives those who know me the option to see what's going on with me lately and it also is somewhat therapeutic I think:D

Is this really blog worthy, probably not but I need to vent. Yesterday was an awesome day in pretty much all regards. My classes weren't that hard, I didn't really have much homework, and I've been enjoying Skyrim and DOA: Dimensions. More importantly with yesterday though was the announcement of Resident Evil 6 and the first trailer for the next live action movie in the series. That was yesterday...

Now we get to today. I checked the news and found out that the next Avatar movie that had been slated for December 2014 will now be out December 2015 or later, Trudy might return besides being completely destroyed in the last one(I like Trudy and Michelle Rodriquez so that isn't a problem I just think it could significantly mess with the plot or believability if you will), lastly for news is that the next avatar series, the Legend of Korra won't be out until the Fall at the earliest, it keeps getting delayed. News yesterday was great, today's sucks. I only had one class today which was nice but I was bored and I have a ton of things it seems for next week that I'll need to do this weekend. But this is my absolute killer for today. I've been waiting for the new Underworld to come out since I first heard about it and that day is today! However, the one person who told me they would go backed out saying they didn't feel like it tonight. I asked if another night would be better, they say money is an issue. I say I'll pay for them and they don't need to pay me back, they say they'd feel guilty and they have a book to read for monday. One dodging excuse after the other. Then another friend that said he would go backed out citing that the first person dropped out and that the reviews weren't good for it. I'm so pissed, not necessarily at them but more so the fact that they told me repeatedly they'd go and then don't even have good excuses when they go back on their word. So yesterday was awesome, today sucks, and now I need to figure out if I really want to go to the movies by myself or just miss it:(?