truely pathetic

Are you a winner?

Should I put that another way...

Are you a bad loser?

Does being top dog mean everything to you in everything you do?

Congratulations, you just lost!

How?

Let me break it down for you right here:

If you (not you, just you) need to win at everything then what do you think you will be surrounded with? That's right, losers! If there can only be one winner everyone else you know has to be a loser, or from the other angle, to be around you is to be a loser, and no one wants to be the loser all the time right? So that's it. You may have won, but all your friends are at my house now doing all the stuff you like but we didn't invite you because that would make us losers.

I win!

:shock:
Post-work pre-pick-up ramblings supplied courtesy of the twisted logic of two too many cups of coffee.

Well it seems that due to a run in with the Mods, a clash of heads over draconian policies and the worst post limitations ever committed to a text based forum (yes my HTML is well formed thank you, yes that is a proper link that leads to another web-page thank you, no, that's a pound sterling sign and so what if i want to use the word CLA55IC!!!) it looks as though we (OMG) will be moving to another castle at some point in the near future.

Hopefully we will find a place where i can continue to post my short indie game reviews and i'll be sure to leave a forwarding address here for when we eventually bugger offand you still feel like stalking me,
but until then,
keep it queasy!

JoyJoy80pts
Chilled Geometry Wars
If Geometry Wars is a packed club of eurobeats and neon hardcore, JoyJoy is a smokers den. It's no slouch, but the pace feels much more relaxed and the gameplay is slightly more influenced by traditional shooters. The ship you control has 8 different weapons and each one is upgradable by grabbing icons dropped by dead enemies. The graphics have a fluid feel and the colours come in muted pastels. If you like GW, JoyJoy is 80pts well spent.

Retrofit Overload80pts
Spaced Invaders
Cla55ic Space Invaders gameplay with a twist. Enemies appear on screen in waves that curl around the play area until resting in the rank and file at the top, the catch is that only when the enemies are circling are they worth any points, the trick is to take them out quickly before they settle down. This may sound simple but the slight change of the usual Space Invader rules makes this game quite addictive, it's presentation is very nice and to the point and the low pricemakes it a must try.

Zombie Estate80pts
...ate my neighbours
More twin stick shooter action, this time grounded firmly in the neighbourhood as you (and up to 3 other players) hold off ever increasing waves of zombie attacks. Breaks in-between onslaughts allow you to visit the shop to buy new guns and ammo from a wide variety of gadgets and gizmos. With cute "mode seven-ish"styl3 graphics, it's like CoD WaW Zombie mode if it was made for the SNES.

まもって騎士240pts
Japanese Tower Defense
"8bit cla55ic action game from video game composer Yuzo Koshiro's development studio, Ancient."
This is tower defence crossed with 8bit JRPG, full of character and charm it feels instantly like a retromasterpiece that someone forgot to make. Up to 4 players can help defend the princess from waves of attacking goblins, use your sword and catapults to beat them back, RPG-lite stat upgrades can be applied in-between rounds, so do you go for an all round character or create a team of specialists? Great sofa-based multiplayer potential.

Pixel Boarder240pts
TrialsHD on snow?
A little more pricey than some other Indie titles, but after a run through the demo i felt it worthy of the points. A rag-doll snowboarding game where you control your movement by moving your arms (twin stick controls) and adjusting your weight. It's not easy but thankfully there's a slo-mo button (R-trigger) which helps you get your timing down. Landing is probably the most difficult but thankfully wipeouts are quite funny, there's a good replay mode which also saves your favourite runs and just like TrialsHD, another go is only a button push away, the instant restarts make the challenge quite addictive.

Miner dig deep80pts
Dig Dug sandbox!
Dig down from the surface, mining ore and jewels as you go. Buy new equipment from the shop and see how deep you can dig without getting caught under a rock or wall collapse or stuck down a pit you cannot climb out from. Use ladders and lift shafts to aid your exit and upgrade your lantern to reveal more goodies! Can you break past the ice wall, find the mysterious teleporters and make a fortune selling rubies!? At 80pts i've already spent 3 hours engrossed (20p an hour! Bargain!) and i can see myself playing a good deal more

Qoccer 80pts
n00b cubes
Qoccer is great fun and is one of those games best played with someone sat next to you. It's alot like mini Subbuteo....... with cubes! You have 60 seconds to make your play by selecting each of your three players and modifying their direction and speed of travel, your rival then gets to do the same and after confirming your actions both plays are activated at the same time. First to two goals wins. Qoccer is great value at around 60p, it has a great skill/luck balance and induces plenty of smack talking.

Your doodles are bugged! 80pts
if lemmings had bed bugs
A nice little puzzle game where the object is to build a path for your bugs to follow and escape. You manually draw in ledges for the bugs to jump across and hope the erratic critters go in the right direction. Beware of letting your bugs fall off the screen and try to direct them to their designated exit points. A simple and challenging concept, the stuff of all good indie games.

Flotilla 400pts
3D Tactical space combat
This game has been available on the PC indie scene for quite a while and is slightly more professional than the usual XBLIG offerings hence the higher price point. The best way to describe this game is "a turn-based version of Homeworld". You can stop the action at any time and then give your spaceships orders for movement and fire direction, before restarting the timer and watching your fleet take action. Try to out flank the enemy and crush them in a well conceived attack.

Indie games, where to start? A whole heap of dog sh1te nonsense would be a good place, but that's not the rule of thumb across the board! Have you taken a chance with an Indie game? Care to post a review?

Do it!

I MAED A GAM3 W1TH Z0MB1ES!!!1 80pts
80pts!? what's that, 60p? That's worth the soundtrack from this game alone!
It's a twin stick shooter at heart with it's tongue firmly in it's cheek. You start off shooting zombies, but it soon develops into "mobile phone Snakes" and "Asteriods". It's a nice little distraction, and the sound track, awesome! Valve's Portal sing-song would be proud!

Arkedo Series - 01 JUMP! 240pts
Old school platformer with charming graphics, nuff said!
If you find yourself hankering for the old days of Manic Miner et al, you could do a lot worse than checking out this lovely little package. It oozes care and attention and is a shining example of XBL Indie done right!

Run Away 80pts
run! jump! roll!
Another cheap throw-away title that oozes with charm. Only two buttons, jump and roll (running is automatic) clear the obstacles without letting whatever is chasing you catch up before you reach the house of Angry Girl (the love of your life) it's not very complex, but it has a lovable art sty1e and for 80pts how can you go wrong?

Ninja Bros 80pts
colour coded headfuhk
A puzzle game with the idea being to guide up to 4 differently coloured ninjas to their destination. The D-pad controls all of the ninjas at once, but each ninja has a jump button in their corresponding colour (green, blue, yellow and red). Starts off nice and gentle, but soon turns into a major melon twist.

Headshot 2 80pts
Twitchy trigger fingers
Study the crowd, call in the intel and take out the hidden terrorist as quickly as possible. Pretty simple, pretty addictive, and for 60p, once again you can't go wrong.

Gerbil Physics 80pts
Cute, annoying, totally addictive
Use a finite amount of bombs to disrupt the towers made of Gerbils. Knock all the gerbils below the score line to progress. Levels become trickier when new tools are introduced, towers that mustn't be damaged get in the way, and new types of gerbil block add to the variety. Another sterling effort for 80pts!