So I learned something rather interesting today. I was watching X-Play, and it was mentioned that the GameCube version of Twilight Princess and the Wii version differed in their presentation. I'm not refering to graphical power or sound quality. I'm refering to the fact that Link's handeness switches in the Wii version of the game. As probably all hardcore gamers know, Link has always been left-handed. Go ahead and check this out. I'll wait... ... ... ... Okay, now that you're back, perhaps you are mystified as to the switch. I know I am. I guess the logic behind the switch was that the Wii-mote, which is used to swing Link's sword, is supposed to be held in the right hand. More on this later. It was further mentioned that a few of the X-Play staff were left-handed, and that they had no difficulty in using the Wii-mote in their right hand. This struck me as odd. I'm left-handed, and I use the Wii-mote in my left hand with no (so far) adverse effects. I found it curious that these people were playing the game right-handed. The handedness shouldn't matter on the Wii-mote, as the thing is pretty symmetrical. There are no buttons on one side that aren't mirrored on the other side of the controller. This raises three questions for me: 1.) Is there, or will there be games for the Wii that significantly favor a certain hand? Will I be punished for being one of the 11% of the population that are left-handed, or will all games include an option for left-handed or right-handed play, like Wii Sports does? 2.) Was it really necessary to switch the handeness, to toy with the mythos of a revered character such as Link, just to satiate the right-handed populace? Did they really need to take away one of the only paragons of virtue we have in the left-handed community? We need heroes such as Link to balance out the villains like Billy the Kid and Jack the Ripper, who are included in our lefty ranks. 3.) What's next? Will they take Mario from the ranks of the Italians, just to appease American and Japanese gamers? Will Samus Aran undergo a sex change so as to not alienate the male demographic? Seriously, where does it end? Think of the children, people!!! Okay, so I may have gone overboard on the last two points, but the underlying point stays the same. Handedness in video games shouldn't matter, and here's to hoping that if it does start to become an issue, that concessions are made for us lefties. P.S.-Ten cool points if you get the lefty reference in my blog title.

Melee weapons. A necessary part of any action game. Whether to supplement hand-to-hand attacks, or as a last ditch effort to protect yourself when you are out of ammo, they are an intrical part of gaming. Most games settle for an ordinary knife or some sort of blade which is okay I suppose, especially if it's a katana. But then there are those rare games that go way above and beyond the call of duty, and include the Holy Grail of melee weapons... I, of course, am refering to the chainsaw. I was introduced to the blessed instrument of motorized cerration, like most gamers, by Doom. At first I was hesitant to even try using it. It was only a melee weapon, and I had shotguns, rocket launchers, and BFG9000s in my arsenal. It was in a fit of daring (okay, boredom) that I decided to see what it would do. Imagine my glee at the pixelized carnage that I wrought on the first pink demon I came across. I admit, i giggled. But it was a maniacal giggle, like that of an evil genius who stumbled upon the tool that would finally destroy James Bond. Definitely NOT like a schoolgirl on a sugar rush at a Backstreet Boys concert. Anywho, having found a new obsession, I went on an unholy rampage the likes of which Hell had never seen before. I tried (and failed) multiple times to complete the game using only the chainsaw. This continued until I realized that Doom kind of sucked, but the visceral feeling of flesh rending stayed with me. Years passed. I played many a game in that time span, and eventually I had forgotten about the noble chainsaw. Sure, Capcom gave me a tease in Resident Evil 4, but it's hard to enjoy a chainsaw when it's being used in separating YOUR avatar's head from his body. As I cursed Capcom's name at this cruel twist of fate, I didn't realize that they would be the one's to reunite me with my favorite tool of torso truncation. They gave me Dead Rising. A world that had long ago been lost to me reopened. The giggle returned. The chainsaw was back. And the game was polite enough to provide me with a complimentery Acheivement to unleash my chainsaw terror upon. I completed the "Zombie Hunter" Achievement using only a chainsaw, using other weapons only when I had to. Having completed this, I prepared myself for another long span of time before another game would make use of the chainsaw. I didn't have to wait long. I found Gears of War, and I realized, we are in the midst of a chainsaw renaissance! Now, at this point, you're probably wondering one of two things. Either you're thinking that I need to get professional help before somebody gets hurt, or you're thinking where does the 'editorial' part of this blog come in. Well I can at least help you with the second thought: I think all games, past, present, and future, can benefit from having chainsaws in them. Seriously, think about this. Thanks to the PSP, and the various Arcade services on the next-gen systems, we are getting a lot of classic games re-released. How hard would it be to program in chainsaws? Picture the following awesomeness: Cloud and his Buster Sword? Screw that. Cloud and his Buster Chainsaw! "You, Jill, the Master of Unlocking...ah screw this, take this chainsaw and cut the damn door down." "Pika-VROOM!" (Followed by sound of Squirtle being sliced to ribbons) "They set us up the chainsaw!" And the opportunities don't end there. For future games, get sponsored by companies like Stihl and Husqvarna. It's a win-win situation. The developers get more money to spend on the game, and we get chainsaws. Ooh, Chainsaw Juggling for the Wii! Game of the Year material, that would be. So I think it's clear what must be done to raise the gaming medium to the next level. Chainsaws are the future. Feel free to drop ideas on the matter in the comments section. I must away to carve my way to the "Zombie Genocider" Achievement. See ya in the funny pages...

Well, I decided that I need to do one of these. Even though I already have like 18 other blogs, I figure this is a good place to talk about my crippling video game geekiness. It's a dark secret of mine, the depth of which I keep hidden from the readers of my other blogs. Oh, they suspect, but they don't know how deep the sickness runs. My logic is, if they find my blog here, then I can use the 'Porn Theater Defense' ("How did you know that I went and saw "Shadow of the Colossal Penis last night? Tsk tsk...") Anywho, expect lot of rants, musings, and just general ramblings about my beloved digital entertainment. Hopefully you'll be entertained, or at least not annoyed at accidentaly mis-clicking and ending up here. See ya in the funy pages...