Previously on asaneismRnuTs' blog:

First of all - Glad to see you enjoyed my Clooney goodness, Heaven knows I had fun going through my GC-picture-folder. Like I said a birthday is a great excuse to flode my blog with pictures of the fine piece of mancandy. Odds are it will happen again and even better odds that I'll find an even weaker excuse for it.

Boys don't cry, but I sure do

Where do you learn to cry in the gracefull pretty way you see on TV or film? Because I could sure use some pointers! I hate feeling like this but I guess I should really let myself to follow my own advice and allow myself to be weak. Still i wish I could be weak AND pretty all at the same time. Oh well I guess it's true what they say, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

So why was I crying this time around? Well Boyfriend and I had a talk over dinner last night. Oh please girls don't get out the pitchforks and torches yet, it wasn't like that! We simply started talking about how we will proceed after the doctors appointment friday morning. For a while it sounded as if he would be fine with putting a pause to all this baby-stuff. That freaked me big time. I thought we were on the same page and were both all in with this so of course him saying that the choice was up to me brought on the tears. I hate that I cry so easily and that I tend to read too much into even small-ish things. 

I guess now that I've had close to 24 hours to think about what he said I do see where he's coming from. It will be me who will have to go through most changes at first so it does make sense that I'm the one who will decided whether or not we will move forward if we are offered to start the preparation for IVF and that he wouldn't mind if I decided that we should wait till after we'd finished University or are older or have our own place and a paycheck. I think it was the 'OMG if we move forward then this is real REAL' that was talking though. That's what he said too and I'm also very happy that he understood where I was coming from when I said that I don't want to wait. I mean there will always be something we could use as an excuse for not being ready. Mother's Day is coming up here again this sunday the 13th. That brought on another river of tears. Last year when I was ordering flowers for my Mum I remember thinking that maybe next year I would be the one getting flowers.  No such luck I guess and now I'm almost afraid to wish for anything like that. I mean I know they all say to keep positive and that things will work out, but sometimes I just want to be an evil bratty teenager in the sense that I want instant gratification. I know VERY mature of me.