so today was move-in and orientation. I got about an hour of sleep.

so ridiculously tired. I think I'd be golden if I went to bed now but there's a floor meeting at 9. ack. I really don't want to miss that since I'm a total noob and have no idea what I'd be missing (most of what I'd probably be needing to know, right?)

the campus is pretty big. the walking around in ridiculous cold weather shouldn't be so bad. i've added a scarf and earmuffs to my normal winterwear. i could use a pair of gloves, but i guess that's what pockets are for anyway.

the only thing that bothers me about getting around is that on thursdays, i have a lab alllll the way across campus. it's probably about a thirty minute walk, and it'll be dark by the time the lab is over. i really want to drop that class since its not so important (intro to geology doesn't seem super necessary for a secondary education: english spec major anyway) but i guess it depends on what happens if i go to see my advisor.

i'm so glad i quit smoking way back when i did. i kind of wish i'd gotten back in shape. i was in really good shape two summers ago, when i was 17. i was biking something like 10+ miles a day, which was relatively big for me.

i'm hoping to start hitting the gym here, just to ride an exercise bike for a few miles or so. i don't know if it'll be more than i can chew with all the current walking anyway. and that also assumes my diet can handle that. i'm going to try as hard as i can for a three meal day. i've been skipping meals like crazy the past few days, and sleeping pretty irregularly. this week's going to be a shock, but it'll be the pattern i want to assume. i really hope i can handle this. i haven't been to school or taken a class since i dropped out almost exactly a year ago. it's kind of ironic, a high school drop out being a secondary education major.

i think most people that know me kind of expected it though. or at least, they weren't surprised. teaching has always been a career that would make sense for me to anyone that knows me. i'm really not your typical drop out. i mean, i got my GED, applied to UMaine, wrote on the application where it asked what I had been doing since leaving school "nothing" and still got in? maybe it was the AP scores, and the GED scores. my SATs seemed mediocre to me. only like a 1500 or something? i don't know, not my strong suit. the AP scores were relatively average for AP scores, but they at least let me skip over english comp since they counted as a credit here. my GED scores though...it was a five part test, and the percentages are a comparison to how you scored versus graduating high school seniors. i had two 85s, a 97, and two 99s. and, if i'm allowed to say so, i think my essay with the application was pretty sweet.

it still kind of surprises me that i got in without an interview though. i mean, i dropped out a semseter shy of graduating and was enrolled in AP courses throughout my education, and my scores were good but still... i mean, i'm aware that i can sometimes do some ridiculous things, but getting into Umaine just like that? when my older brother applied, they insisted that he do a semester at a local community college first to prove that he could handle college work. but they just accept me four days before the spring semester starts, and let me enroll for something like 16 credit hours after more than a year out of school? i'm not complaining. i'm thankful, really. but sometimes i even amaze myself, and i realize better than most anyone what i'm capable of.

i'm not going to lie, i'm pretty nervous about tomorrow at this point, but its really not effecting me. i really just want to sleep. i'm confident i'll be able to manage to get around campus for the five classes i have tomorrow in pretty much a straight block from 8am to 3pm. finding out how to get out of my geology class though is a little more nerve-exciting.

oh. here's my courses.

fundamentals of public education

general psychology

intro to geology

fundamentals of public education (again, but this time the lab instead of the lecture)

canadian literature

anthropology (tuesday/thursday, so not such an issue since those two days are virtually free)

and then intro to geology (lab version, a half hour walk to do a rock lab for 3 hours. how exciting?)

i really want to swap that intro to geology for an online astronomy course. it should work out pretty okay, if i can work up the nerve to go talk to my advisor. i'm so scared of everything. hence the medication for anxiety, panic disorder, and ocd that i'm not taking.

i'm off the medication i was on. i'm confident that i don't need it, that i can handle life without it. but i brought my last few pills with me just the same, even though i absolutely refuse to take them unless absolutely necessary. and if they're necessary...i'm probably not ready for this.

well, another hour to kill until floor meeting? i didn't get my books today, but i can pick them up tomorrow. not before my first class though, which worries me. i'm always worried about something.

although, they say that education majors should get macbooks, that they're highly recommended, though not necessarily mandatory. i've got an HP tablet from a year ago. it's getting kind of old and slow, and hiccups frequently, but the part that'll make me stand out amongst my peers the most is the failing obnoxiously loud fan. i mean, they won't know that i'm running hot enough to burn myself if not protected by two layers, but the fan is distractingly loud from two rooms away. i've got to get to financial aid and see if i can get a student loan for a macbook.

but anyway. so tired. haha. broken record, i know. time to kill, time to kill.

don't think i mentioned that my best friend and i are dating now. we've been best friends for something like five years now and just decided to give it a try on new years. it's so much better than i expected :) i've honestly never actually wanted to be a girl's boyfriend before, but i take great pride in being able to call myself her boyfriend. it feels kind of childish and embarrassing, but i'm completely blown away by nice it feels, and how little i expected it. of course, the downside is that its bound to be a long-distance relationship until i can transfer somewhere closer since it'd be something like a six hour drive to visit now that i'm up in orono, maine.

but still, im happy, and i've got my fingers crossed for tomorrow.