this post is a simple explanation of the whole maya 2012 thing. you see, december 12 is 4 days before my birthday, and as such, it is then i will begin preparing a big 18th birthday for myself. i have 4 days to do it, and my present to myself will be the world, and a new one each consecutive year. so, i have 4 days to take over the world.
DAY 1: on day one i will release my set of super-viruses that only take my deactivation key i have been growing on a virtual, computer virus version of evolution, if a virus destroys a imaginary virtual computer, it is sent to 1000 other imaginary computers with one change in code that is unique to each of the 1000, this way, the most powerful viruses eventually grow more powerful until they are unstoppable. they all have a deactivation code in them though. after crippling the internet and all other ways of communicating except word of mouth and telephone, i will tell the italian and russian mafia what i've done over the phone seperately, and offer to revive their computers, giving them a distinct advantage over the rest of the world if they become my private armies, with the promise to reward their leaders greatly. (but i don't tell either i have control of the other) i now have a large army under my control.
DAY 2: on day 2 i will discretely move my army to somalia, and take in the pirates and the ivory trading rings that are across africa. once i control these i have an incredible influx of cash, and will quietly buy out all the leaders of corrupt nations in africa. i will leave out the arabian and middle eastern areas as they contain many extremist rebels that will refuse assimilation. next i will tell the IRS that they will be allowed leadership of the province of ireland under my command if they cooperate. at noon i will reveal my mafia-pirate-smuggler-african intercontinental army, and use my russian forces to seize all russia, and replace communism with mock-communism (which will keep people well controlled, but allow me and anybody i promised extra luxury their luxury) meanwhile, my IRS forces, who people still do not know are under my control, will bomb all the major cities in europe, and i will seize all passages over the alps, thus controller italy easily. also at noon, the atlantic cable will be cut, keeping the united states unaware. my next move will be to simply take what is then my fleet of russian nuclear submarines that thanks to russia's former government are already stationed around the world, use one to take brazil, and place another off the coast of DC, with the others stationed around florida. now having a nuclear arsenal aimed at trillions of dollars in gold, space equipment, and government buildings, and control of brazil, i will send an ultimatum for a total of 150 billion US dollars from each country that wishes to remain independant, and buy out the rest of south america from my brazilian base, under the claim that my strike has caused mass deflation, and their countries are now worth mere hundreds. in a final move for day 2, i will take my incredible stock of money, and buy a majority share in microsoft and apple.
DAY 3: i deactivate all the viruses, but now have control of every computer in the world except linux, which means control of the united states servers for military operations and united states citizen databases. once i have control of the internet, complete information on every united states citizen, and control of all military operations, i will shut down united states military radio relays across the globe, and send an email to every american citizen threatening mere identity theft if they do not overthrow the current us government, complete with PIN, social security, name, age, adress, and first date. with the united states government overthrown, i will assimilate barack obama, as he is really a very good leader, and make him my administrator of earth on my 19th birthday. i will offer north korea a social position above the united states and south korea, an offer they will not refuse, i will offer george bush's head to osama bin laden, and i will allow continued control of their nation as a province to china. at this point i control the entire world's nuclear arsenal, an over 50 million strong standing army, and enough power to make my mom let me buy M games.
DAY 4: i have a 50 million standing army and every nuclear weapon in the world, plus the world's strongest criminal organizations, hundreds of trillions of US dollars in my reserves, and all i have to do is threaten anybody that fights back with complete ballistic annihilation of their land, and isolated nuclear destruction of their entire population (has to be irradiated to keep my new land nice and radiation free) i will likely control the world by 9, as those who do not respond by 8 GMT will be bombed, and then i have the other 14 hours of the day to celebrate, and begin touring my realm. see you on the 30th of 2010 to find out how i take venus!