Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball incites quite a guilty feeling in me. It's somewhat akin to looking at naughty sites on the internet and wondering how I'm going to justify what I'm doing (or click on the X fast enough) to someone that may pass by. "Oh, honey, I was just playing volleyball - I didn't just zoom into her cleavage." DOA:XVB is a very strange game, if you really want to call it that. It's flanked by a horrible horrible intro and an ending cutscene that would be just as bad were it not mercifully short. In between there is a material friendship simulator, a mildly perverse voyeur option, a decent volleyball game, and a collection of mildly amusing minigames, from those in the casino to the ridiculous hopping game. Seeing as the game is billed as a volleyball game, we'll start with that. It is fun, but somewhat limiting, and the matches usually aren't all that exciting. The absence of any spike or serve indicators of any kind is a nice touch, as it makes the game seem a bit more casual than something like Beach Spikers. However, especially when playing against another human, you'll notice that it's too easy to return spikes - points are often not earned because of skill, but because one person got bored of volleying back and forth for so long. Speaking of multiplayer, it's a crime that four players aren't supported, and just as bad that the only option is a vs. two player - no co-op to be found here, despite what should be a logical addition. The vacation mode is an amusing diversion, but buying presents to keep your team member happy and to get other presents from the other girls can get kind of annoying. Pool hopping is an absurd minigame, even if it does offer a bit of a change of pace. And the previously mentioned voyeur modes take up a full third of your in-game day - not to mention that if you somehow wanted to closely examine every inch of those polygonal bodies, you'll find the camera isn't fully controllable, and the voyeur mode only lasts for about 30 seconds. Perhaps the game's designers knew that was long enough for their target audience. Either way, it's quite creepy. That mode serves no other purpose but to ogle your girl in the bathing suit of your choice, and to see what a good job the designers did on the models and on the, erm, physics effects. The answer there is 'pretty damn good.' DOA:XVB is a good looking game, right down from the touted character models to the environments (and the sand), the lighting effects, and heck, even the little 3d models of the objects you collect or give to other girls. If you find fault with this game (and it isn't hard) it probably won't have anything to do with the graphics. The sound is another story. Most effects get the job done, but all the girls are voiced in Japanese and are just as grating as you'd expect. Mysteriously, Zack is voiced in English by the untalented Dennis Rodman (I don't know why), but thankfully he doesn't show up very much in the game. And the music...well, it's the most disturbing collection of pop music you could imagine, from Britney Spears to Christina Aguilera and even such greats as Baha Men. I would vomit all over, but the game redeems itself by allowing you to turn all the default garbage off and turn on your own custom soundtrack. So where does Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball sit? It's a volleyball simulator that does a passable job of emulating the sport it tries to represent. It's a frustrating pseudo-dating simulator. It's a collection of mildly amusing minigames. And - perhaps its greatest selling point to its target audience that has never seen a woman up close in person - it's a remarkably disturbing peep-show that lets you dress up disproportionate polygonal women with different bathing suits and watch them roll around in the sand suggestively. If you like the idea of zooming in on digital cleavage and/or don't get enough of a fill via the internet, you'll no doubt love DOA:XVB. I don't have such an excuse - I was, unfortunately, too curious for my own good, and DOA:XVB will sit in my collection to remind me why I should never buy a game out of curiousity again. Don't make the same mistake.
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Ever since the graphical upgrade to the Xbox, I think every young teen boy has played it just to see the girls and try to see as much cleavage and underwear shots as they could. When this game was anounced I think every... Read Full Review
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